Need advice on writing my speech.

[Kung? 173]

Just as the title says, need some advice and criticism as I write my speech about Depression for this speech/debate season upcoming school year.

 

Okay the general information. I'm in original oratory which is basically a event where the performer writes his/her original speech that is meant to inform and persuade the audience. It has to be 8-10 minutes long. Does not have to be memorized but it's usually recommended to allow blocking, more emotion, and it's impressive in general considering the fact it's about 5-6 pages long.

 

For this speech about depression, the "theme" or guide-map is a "fairy tale" or story that. The  points I have currently is causes, statistics, and solutions to depression. I may be adding my "coming out story" as it definitely sucks to be in the closet to your parents for the climax or the most moving part of the speech. Fact that the most common cause of L.G.B.T. members is suicide.

 

The title I have currently right now for the piece is "Happily Never After" but I want more ideas or suggestions from y'all.

 

The introduction goes...

 

"Once upon a time, there was a young boy who was sad all the time. He fell in the rabbit hole and it felt like he could never get out. No motivation, no hope, just a fake smile every day. He couldn’t tell his parents in fear of being called “weak,” be told to just snap out of it, or even disownment if he tells his story to his parents. The boy was definitely strong, but he couldn’t stay strong for long. The sad ending to this story, he took a bite out of the poisoned apple, ending his own life. Unfortunately, this “fairy tale” is the reality of people who suffer from Depression."

 

The second paragraph is how it relates to the audience...

 

I also got inspired from a quote I found on Tumblr (yes, tumblr) which is "This may be a sad chapter but you are not a sad story."

 

For the ending, what I got now is including the quote above since everything really does get better but you have to try. Im ending like a typical fairy tale you heard from your childhood. I am adjusting it as I write it.

 

The rough base of the ending might be..

 

"You may be experience a sad chapter but you are not a sad story. Everything really does get better. I listened. I tried. I survived. You should too. Now, you have listened to my story and know how to cope with depression. I hope you live happily ever after."

 

Links to the google drive doc.

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/10v88qYtqCMMpghqYEGOxGIVEFGx9BmExgw3Jd3aQ0h4/edit?usp=sharing

[Sean 3760]

asking sg for advice

[BLiNDBoi 930]

I give you credit to making and writing down your speech. I got nothing from my end cause my speeches were 100% pulled straight from my ass on the spot. Whenever you get to your final state or whatever, use something like "finally" so they know your coming to an end. That's the one tip I remember from my speech course 3-4 years old.

[ThatOllieWhoDies 1177]

From my writing/speech courses it was always frowned upon to use cliches. The whole "happily ever after" is sort of a big one. If you have spare time maybe you should change the last sentence up a bit to bring a little you into this!

[Taboo 2392]

"finally, ayylmao"

[ThatOllieWhoDies 1177]

"finally, ayylmao"

I SWEAR IF YOU RECORD YOURSELF SAYING THIS IN YOUR ACTUAL SPEECH I WILL GIVE YOU A SKIN

[ChosenOne2000 4440]

Remember, you can say anything in your speech as long as you drop a mic at the end. Dropping a mic means your speech was legit.

[Clamps 4783]

Remember, you can say anything in your speech as long as you drop a mic at the end. Dropping a mic means your speech was legit.

But remember Chosen, before dropping the mic you have to end your speech with "<school name> football rules!"

[xmen 983]

From my writing/speech courses it was always frowned upon to use cliches. The whole "happily ever after" is sort of a big one. If you have spare time maybe you should change the last sentence up a bit to bring a little you into this!

 

Was gonna say this, but IMO it actually fits the whole feel of the speech. The whole Once upon a time beginning, happily ever after ending and fairy tale references.

 

Can't really give much advice since I suck at speeches.. So I wouldn't listen to me

 

+1post 

[Kung? 173]

Thanks guys! Helps/means a lot! Also, if you want to comment on my speech as I write it. Just P.M. your gmail so I will share it with you via Google Drive!

[Kung? 173]

Made some edits to my current ending of my speech. Will adjust it even more if called for when I type my speech.

 

"Before we close this book. Our moral  here is that is to know that even if you are experience a sad chapter, you are not a sad story. Everything really does end happily.

You just have to try. Now, knowing the causes of depression, how to cope with it, and hearing my story. I hope you may live happily ever after."

[UnknownLegend 5480]

Just as the title says, need some advice and criticism as I write my speech about Depression for this speech/debate season upcoming school year.

 

Okay the general information. I'm in original oratory which is basically a event where the performer writes his/her original speech that is meant to inform and persuade the audience. It has to be 8-10 minutes long. Does not have to be memorized but it's usually recommended to allow blocking, more emotion, and it's impressive in general considering the fact it's about 5-6 pages long.

 

For this speech about depression, the "theme" or guide-map is a "fairy tale" or story that. The  points I have currently is causes, statistics, and solutions to depression. I may be adding my "coming out story" as it definitely sucks to be in the closet to your parents for the climax or the most moving part of the speech. Fact that the most common cause of L.G.B.T. members is suicide.

 

The title I have currently right now for the piece is "Happily Never After" but I want more ideas or suggestions from y'all.

 

The introduction goes...

 

"Once upon a time, there was a young boy who was sad all the time. He fell in the rabbit hole and it felt like he could never get out. No motivation, no hope, just a fake smile every day. He couldn’t tell his parents in fear of being called “weak,” be told to just snap out of it, or even disownment if he tells his story to his parents. The boy was definitely strong, but he couldn’t stay strong for long. The sad ending to this story, he took a bite out of the poisoned apple, ending his own life. Unfortunately, this “fairy tale” is the reality of people who suffer from Depression."

 

The second paragraph is how it relates to the audience...

 

I also got inspired from a quote I found on Tumblr (yes, tumblr) which is "This may be a sad chapter but you are not a sad story."

 

For the ending, what I got now is including the quote above since everything really does get better but you have to try. Im ending like a typical fairy tale you heard from your childhood. I am adjusting it as I write it.

 

The rough base of the ending might be..

 

"You may be experience a sad chapter but you are not a sad story. Everything really does get better. I listened. I tried. I survived. You should too. Now, you have listened to my story and know how to cope with depression. I hope you live happily ever after."

 

Also, if you want to comment or fix something on my speech, just drop me your gmail and I will share it via Google Drive.

 

When I was in high school (9 years ago, fuck me), I made it to 8th place in the state competition for OO, and top ten for Informs.  Kansas 4A - 6A level.  On top of that, I also majored in Psychology in college, with a focus on social and clinical Psychology (i.e., I can point you in the right direction regarding Depression).  Add me on Steam and we can talk if you're serious about wanting to do well.

[VEGEMITEKILLER 259]

I don't know if you are allowed to bring props, but maybe to complement your speech, you can bring one of those larger children book and open it like you are telling a story and have it opened as you're giving your speech. Then for your ending, you could close the book after you say "happily ever after"? Other than my dumb suggestion, beautifully written speech. (q.q) Do you mind if I can read the whole speech?

[ThatOllieWhoDies 1177]

I don't know if you are allowed to bring props, but maybe to complement your speech, you can bring one of those larger children book and open it like you are telling a story and have it opened as you're giving your speech. Then for your ending, you could close the book after you say "happily ever after"? Other than my dumb suggestion, beautifully written speech. (q.q) Do you mind if I can read the whole speech?

He said earlier on in the thread to PM him your google drop box email so he can forward it to you

[Kung? 173]

I don't know if you are allowed to bring props, but maybe to complement your speech, you can bring one of those larger children book and open it like you are telling a story and have it opened as you're giving your speech. Then for your ending, you could close the book after you say "happily ever after"? Other than my dumb suggestion, beautifully written speech. (q.q) Do you mind if I can read the whole speech?

 

Thanks man, means a crap ton! Can't use props in O.O. but you may use hand gestures and movement in which I'm using my hands at the beginning and ending to imitate opening/closing a book. Also, just P.M. me your gmail on here so I can send to you. My speech isn't done yet and I'm still trying to research stuff. 

[ThatOllieWhoDies 1177]

Thanks man, means a crap ton! Can't use props in O.O. but you may use hand gestures and movement in which I'm using my hands at the beginning and ending to imitate opening/closing a book. Also, just P.M. me your gmail on here so I can send to you. My speech isn't done yet and I'm still trying to research stuff.

I feel like you may wanna use hand gestures and body movement throughout the whole thing instead of just those two parts. I feel like if you did it in just those two parts, it would look pretty awkward and would lose the consistency it needs. Nothing too over the top, but something to prevent you from just standing there lol

[ThatOllieWhoDies 1177]

Thanks man, means a crap ton! Can't use props in O.O. but you may use hand gestures and movement in which I'm using my hands at the beginning and ending to imitate opening/closing a book. Also, just P.M. me your gmail on here so I can send to you. My speech isn't done yet and I'm still trying to research stuff.

I feel like you may wanna use hand gestures and body movement throughout the whole thing instead of just those two parts. I feel like if you did it in just those two parts, it would look pretty awkward and would lose the consistency it needs. Nothing too over the top, but something to prevent you from just standing there lol

[Synergy 3]

Smoke a fat blunt before it

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Kung? 173]

I feel like you may wanna use hand gestures and body movement throughout the whole thing instead of just those two parts. I feel like if you did it in just those two parts, it would look pretty awkward and would lose the consistency it needs. Nothing too over the top, but something to prevent you from just standing there lol

 

Of course! Natural hand gestures and confident blocking from what my coach said!

[Kung? 173]

Smoke a fat blunt before it

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

If I was a judge and someone performed while high or buzzed, it's a division I (superior) rating from me, no questions asked. 

[Kung? 173]

Huge thanks to Junzou Vegemite Killer for fixing up things and guiding me the right way! I am so diddly darn excited to read my speech to my coach when it's done.

 

Edited my conclusion...

 

Unlike the young boy, I am still here to tell you my story of hope, courage, and survival. I was similar to the young boy.  Before I ate my poison apple, I tried to get help one last time. Some part of me didn’t want to give up just yet, some part of me still wanted to live.  I came out in a letter to my parents telling them I was gay.  Knowing that I was accepted and loved. They ended up saving my life.  They saved my life by understanding my pain wasn’t just “in my head,” not something I needed to “get over.”  If you gained nothing else from the last 10 minutes, I hope you remember this: You can save a life by walking alongside Dorothy and her friends on the yellow brick road to a happy ending.

[Kung? 173]

I still need to do research for the body, I been slacking lately lol.

[Kung? 173]

Okay, to make things easier, here is the link for the speech via google drive.

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/10v88qYtqCMMpghqYEGOxGIVEFGx9BmExgw3Jd3aQ0h4/edit?usp=sharing

[MAT 80]

You should definitely add that sometimes the people who look the happiest are the ones who are lost and depressed. I also STRONGLY recommend you look up a man named Tyler Durman and try to find some videos of him giving speeches. He came to my school once and gave the best speech/talk thing I have ever witnessed. Honestly, he's incredible. Anyways good luck on your speech and if I find anything helpful information on the topic I'll be sure to send it your way!