Issues With My Fiance

[Arrkham 291]

As of lately, me and my fiance have been having lots of issues, mostly because I game. I dont see this as an issue because we dont live together and I dont play games alot when I am around her unless we are home. 

 

Let me start from something that occurred a few months ago. I was way into Dota 2 and played about 20 hours/week. She viewed this as an addiction and didnt like it, but I let it slip. I didnt play when I was with her, so why does it matter what I do on my free time? Well, this last april she gave me the choice of either keep her or keep playing dota. And I chose her.

 

After that I tried and tried to not play, but every once in a while when she was at work I would sneak in a game or two. Now I am trying to convince her that she needs to be accepting of who I am and what my hobbies are, or our relationship isnt going to work out. 

 

We had a fight tonight and I dont think she is talking to me right now. We havent split up but things are rough.

 

I need some help. What do I tell her? How do I keep things going? Im worried and need some advice. Anything will help.

Edited June 9, 2014 by The Dλrk Knight Rises

[Seanyo 35]

Just tell her she can't make you stop all of your gaming. It's your I test and in a relationship she should be supportive. If not I don't see how a long future could continue. If she can't be accepting of you for who you are and this little thing causes you two to stop talking what will something that matters cause?

[Bulldog 1615]

I'm sorry you're having these issues. I feel like she needs to understand what you want and work with it, as you have done for her already.

 

She wanted you to reduce your gaming by not playing Dota as much, and what did you do? You stopped for her. Now I feel like one or two games is not going to hurt anyone, especially if she is not there. It's your free time, you should be able to spend it how you want. I'm sure she is great and worries about losing you, but she has to understand and you have to show her that she won't lose you to gaming.

 

Perhaps if she doesn't come around, and feels like she cant take it; then perhaps your not made for each other. The understanding of ones wants needs to come from both sides. 

 

I feel like I had the same issue, and I let it get to far. Back around 2010 I had a girl who hated that I played games, and I stopped for her. But after years passed it got worse and worse. She started "suggesting" I stop doing other things I enjoyed. Eventually I saw what was becoming of the relationship and had to end it, but it took me nearly three years of being controlled to see it.

 

You're a great guy, I'm sure she knows what she has and is lucky to have it. But that acceptance of needs and whats needs to come from both sides, not just you.  

 

Hope this helps,

Best of luck buddy, if you ever need to talk hit me up.

 

Sincerely,

Bulldog

[LOPEZ 1750]

Yep, definetely ask a bunch of 12 year olds for relationship advice. 

[Rayne 4478]

Yep, definetely ask a bunch of 12 year olds for relationship advice. 

This is why most of the community doesn't like you.

 

@TDKR: I'm in a similar boat buddy, my partner doesn't really like me gaming either and we live together so it's difficult. I simply addressed the issue face on, I told her that I'd been playing games for years before I met her, it's what I want to do in my 30 minutes of spare time a day and if you love me, you'll let it go. She bitches and moans every now and then when I play but 90% of the time, even if she doesn't like it, she just let's it go and let's me get on with it.

 

You can't sit at home and sneak games, that's not a good thing because you're always looking over your shoulder. Make sure she knows there are more important things between you two than a couple of hours of gaming...you wouldn't stop her doing her hair and going out with friends, so she shouldn't stop you doing what you enjoy. 

 

Be a man, and tell her. 

[Ghost X 710]

I had exact the same problem. My ex would even cry when I was gaming (while she was at work and stuff so not when she was around). So like you did I also played behind her back which I didn't like but what else can I do when she's not around? I can't just sit on a chair and do nothing. She found out I was gaming behind her back causing a lot of trust issues. In the end I broke it off because it was too unbearable...

Edited June 9, 2014 by Master Chief

[DogsGoMeow 1606]

This is why most of the community doesn't like you.

 

@TDKR: I'm in a similar boat buddy, my partner doesn't really like me gaming either and we live together so it's difficult. I simply addressed the issue face on, I told her that I'd been playing games for years before I met her, it's what I want to do in my 30 minutes of spare time a day and if you love me, you'll let it go. She bitches and moans every now and then when I play but 90% of the time, even if she doesn't like it, she just let's it go and let's me get on with it.

 

You can't sit at home and sneak games, that's not a good thing because you're always looking over your shoulder. Make sure she knows there are more important things between you two than a couple of hours of gaming...you wouldn't stop her doing her hair and going out with friends, so she shouldn't stop you doing what you enjoy. 

 

Be a man, and tell her. 

Good post.

Here, have an upvote.

[Dyscivist 5686]

If a girl can't accept your hobbies you shouldn't be in a relationship together in the first place, unless you already planned on stopping gaming at some point.

[Bob Ross Zombie 1512]

Have you guys tried getting a game she could play or enjoy as well? My wife was alright with me playing games but I didn't want to leave her out, I invited her to my hobby. I got a kinect for my 360 and Beatles rock band and she doesn't care if I play.

[Moose 4890]

You've got quite a bit of good advice from people already. We're all gamers here, and some with more relationship experience than others.

For me personally, my wife doesn't really like how much I game. She prefers I'd come downstairs and spend more time with her (I've cut back gaming substantially since being engaged/with school so it's not as bad anymore). But she also understands that after 6 hours at school, another 6 at work, and then countless hours spent doing homework, sometimes I need time to unwind and many times that is through gaming.

It sucks as you obviously care a lot about her as she's your fiancée, but you also can't be miserable to make someone else happy. If she can't see that you have taken steps to make it better but you still need some of those things that you enjoy then it will just get worse. What happens when you're always around each other once you get married and can't get those one or two games in?

You just need to sit down and talk without getting mad. Don't make ultimatums. Those rarely lead to a compromise of both people and someone ends up upset.

[Arrkham 291]

Have you guys tried getting a game she could play or enjoy as well? My wife was alright with me playing games but I didn't want to leave her out, I invited her to my hobby. I got a kinect for my 360 and Beatles rock band and she doesn't care if I play.

She likes the Lego series and Batman series and Portal series but thats it. And Call of Duty....... ew.

[Clamps 4783]

Really can't add much more to whats already been stated here. My fiance had a problem with how much I'd game when we started dating. We talked about it and I explained to her that I've been gaming for almost half of my life and it wasn't going to change. I did compromise and cut back and it seemed to have put an end to it. 

 

In your situation, it's a bit mind blowing considering you're not living together. If you're not seeing her as much because you're gaming I'd understand, but if you're playing in your free time at home she really doesn't have an excuse to be upset. 

 

I'd suggest having a serious conversation with her and outlining all of her concerns while expressing yours as well. If you're having these kinds of issues and you're not even living together yet, it's going to get worse. Its much better for everyone involved to get it all out on the table before you guys get married instead of after.. 

 

 

Hope some of this helps. 

Edited June 9, 2014 by Clamps

[MONKEH 829]

making a woman orgasm essentially shuts off their brain temporarily 

 

it is in the best of anyones interest to abuse this

 

fucking problems away seriously works

[Clamps 4783]

making a woman orgasm essentially shuts off their brain temporarily 

 

it is in the best of anyones interest to abuse this

 

fucking problems away seriously works

This man speaks the truth. 

[ElectronicDrug 7496]

If a girl can't accept your hobbies you shouldn't be in a relationship together in the first place, unless you already planned on stopping gaming at some point.

 

My hobby is fucking lots of other women. 

[BeauutifulChaos 902]

My hobby is fucking lots of other women.

You're a big dork. <br /><br />And yeah. Pretty much what everyone else said. Especially if you don't play games when you're with her. That's a bit controlling of her. O.o

[Lvl. 100 Latias 711]

Pretty much what I've seen in my experiences is that if it isn't a two way street then it is not a healthy relationship. Sure I've had my fair share of bullshit such as cheating but honestly it is your choice if you want to be in that relationship or not, not hers. 

[ElectronicDrug 7496]

You're a big dork. <br /><br />And yeah. Pretty much what everyone else said. Especially if you don't play games when you're with her. That's a bit controlling of her. O.o

 

Fight me faggot.

[Dojima 7619]

lol, I've seen your gf, dude. She ain't nearly hot enough to be able to have your balls in a vice like that. Move on and man up.

[Dyscivist 5686]

lol, I've seen your gf, dude. She ain't nearly hot enough to be able to have your balls in a vice like that. Move on and man up.

What've you been up to Dohj? Haven't seen you around lately.

[Dojima 7619]

Chillin'. Nothing too interesting.

[Dyscivist 5686]

Chillin'. Nothing too interesting.

We should hit up some killing floor again sometime if your PC isn't completely fucked.

[sweetrock 420]

Just stick your dick down her throat and tell her just to take it and like it! Put that bitch in her place! Have a good day!

[Kim 469]

Your fiancé should have no say on what you do in your free time so long as it isn't harmful to others or yourself. Unless your hobbies consist of living like Jordan Belfort, you shouldn't try to fix them.

[Dojima 7619]

Just stick your dick down her throat and tell her just to take it and like it! Put that bitch in her place! Have a good day!

lmao @ this coming from sweetrock.

 

We should hit up some killing floor again sometime if your PC isn't completely fucked.

I'm down.