How to suck your own dick.

[Bastian 171]

How to Suck Your Own Dick

How many times have you looked at a dog licking his private parts and 
thought, “Hmm, if only I could do that”? You’re not alone. Rest assured 
that most, if not all men have thought the exact same thing. Some have 
even attempted it. But despite the interest, few men discuss the act of 
autofellatio, or self-sucking. So here’s a guide to tell you everything 
you want to know about the art of solo sucking.

Because They Can
Some people, especially women, may wonder why guys would want to give 
themselves a BJ. The answer is pretty simple – it’s the same reason why 
dogs lick themselves down there…because they can. A self-service blowjob 
is just like masturbation, only better. You get all the stimulation of a 
hot, wet mouth, but you get it just the way you like it. On the downside, 
there are no surprises, and self-sucking may kind of be like trying to 
tickle yourself…but on the upside, there are no bad surprises, like 
scraping teeth or sloppy technique. Additionally, a lot of guys get 
turned on by ejaculating on themselves and even swallowing their own cum. 
Self-sucking gives you the most efficient delivery method if you’re into 
eating your own.

You’ve Got to Flex It
In order to suck yourself off, you need to have one of two things 
(preferably both): a very flexible spine, or a very long dick. Having a 
longer penis obviously makes self-sucking easier by decreasing the 
distance from your cock head to your mouth, so the longer your dick, the 
less you have to bend. However, since penis length is something you 
either have or don’t, we’ll concentrate on what you can do to increase 
your spinal flexibility.

Fortunately, in order to self-suck, you don’t have to have an enormous 
cock. Many guys who are just average sized (5 to 6 inches hard) can do 
it. Unless you were born double-jointed or have been practicing yoga for 
the last 10 years, it will probably take some time and practice to get 
your dick and your mouth to meet up. Other prerequisites are overall 
health of your back and neck. If you have a slipped disk, misaligned 
vertebrae, or any other chronic back problem, we don’t advise attempting 
autofellatio. Even those with healthy and normal backs need to exercise 
caution and not push themselves when self-sucking to avoid back injuries. 
Besides a bad back, having a huge gut is another impediment to self-
sucking. You can probably work around a small beer belly, but if you have 
a major overhang, it’s going to get in the way and block you from your 
goal. So, if you’re not quite in shape, start reaching for your toes and 
crunching those abs.

Get in Position

The easiest and probably most effective position for autofellatio is 
lying on your back. You’ll probably want to use a bed, sofa, or other 
cushioned surface for comfort, although practicing on a carpeted floor 
can sometimes give you better leverage. You should have a wall or a 
headboard nearby to brace your feet against. Lie down (naked, of course) 
with the top of your head at least a foot from the wall. Pull your legs 
up and roll back onto your shoulders, raising your legs over your head. 
Brace your feet on the wall and “walk” your way down until your crotch is 
close to your face. Lift your head up if necessary to get closer. If your 
back feels tight, don’t strain to reach your cock, even if it’s 
tantalizingly close. Just let your muscles stretch. You may want to use 
one hand to pull your cock closer. Suck what you can, if you can – 
otherwise, just wank and keep practicing.

A variation on this position is the gravity-assisted method, where you 
simply lie back, throw your legs up over your head, and let gravity pull 
them down. To help out, you can hook one or both arms behind your knees 
and pull towards you. Don’t pull too hard or strain yourself. With both 
of these positions, be careful about putting too much pressure on your 
neck or pulling on it too hard.

If you can get your mouth around your cock head, you’re doing great. Just 
use your tongue and lips to stimulate yourself. The cock head is the most 
sensitive part of your dick anyway. If you are able to get your mouth 
around a significant portion of your cock, you can either move your head 
up and down to get a sucking rhythm going, or flex your legs and back to 
move your lower body up and down. Probably you will want to alternate 
these to avoid fatiguing your neck or back.

The seated position is another good one for autofellatio beginners. 
Simply sit on the edge of a chair, couch, or bed, and bend down towards 
your dick, curving your back. Be sure you suck in your gut to get it out 
of the way. Grab onto the edge of whatever you’re sitting on and use it 
to pull yourself further down. Or hook an arm under your knees and pull 
up. You may want to keep one hand on your dick to steady it, or to pull 
it upwards towards your mouth. In this position you need to use a bobbing 
motion of your head or upper body to go down on yourself. Again, don’t 
strain your back or neck or move too suddenly.

 

Tantric Yoga for One
If you’re already really flexible, or you’ve mastered the basic positions 
and are ready to move on, you can try a more advanced posture. In the 
lying position, place your knees on either side of your head and see how 
far down you can lower your crotch. Some guys are so limber they can get 
their balls in their mouths. Those with really flexible hip joints can 
attempt the human pretzel maneuver, where you put your feet up over your 
head and essentially fold yourself in half, then lock your legs into 
position by crossing your feet behind your head.

Standing positions are also more challenging. Start by leaning your back 
against a wall for support and doubling over. You can clasp your hands 
behind your thighs and pull down to get yourself closer. As you get more 
flexible and improve your balance, stand away from the wall and reach 
down and grasp your calves for stability.

Taking yoga classes or practicing yoga at home is actually a good idea 
for improving your mobility and range of motion for self-sucking. Many 
yoga postures, such as the plow (lying with your feet extended over your 
head) lend themselves naturally to autofellatio. Just try not to think 
about it too much during yoga class so you don’t pop a boner.

OK, Now What?
Once you’ve got your dick in your mouth, what do you do? Even if you 
don’t have cocksucking experience, we assume most of you won’t have much 
trouble figuring this one out, but here are some suggestions if you need 
them. Run the tip of your tongue around the head of your cock, or under 
your foreskin if you’re uncut. Stick the tip of your tongue in the piss 
slit. Try licking and tickling the frenulum, which is on the underside of 
your cock head (the top side, from a self-sucking perspective). Wrap your 
lips around the cock head and apply suction. Suck in more and pull your 
cock in past your lips, then pop it in and out. If you’re long enough or 
limber enough, go ahead and try deep-throating it.

More Tips
Self-sucking can be strenuous and physically demanding. Here are other 
tips to help you get ready and warmed up:

Stretch before your session; make sure you stretch the muscles of your 
back, neck, and legs to avoid cramping or pulled muscles.

Drink plenty of water to keep your muscles hydrated; this also prevents 
cramping, injuries, and fatigue.

Make sure your stomach is empty; wait an hour or two after a meal, and 
empty your bowels if possible. It’ll be more comfortable and your stomach 
contents won’t get in the way when you double over.

Don’t strain yourself and stop if you feel any pain.

Vary positions to avoid putting too much strain or pressure on the same 
muscles and parts of your spine.

If At First You Don’t Succeed
Don’t be disappointed if you can’t get your mouth on your cock the first 
time you try autofellatio. Self-sucking doesn’t come naturally to 
everyone. It can take discipline and practice, but as you keep at it, you 
will become more flexible. If at first you don’t succeed, just wank 
yourself off and call it good. The next time you’ll get a little closer 
to your goal. Some statistics say that only 1% of all men can self-suck, 
but we think that with practice and stretching, most guys should be able 
to at least make some mouth-to-cock contact, even if it’s only on the tip 
of the head. If nothing else, practicing self-sucking will make you more 
flexible and possibly increase your overall well-being. So take it slow, 
work with what you’ve got, and try to have fun.

 

 

WARNING +21 PICTURE ONLY

Edited April 28, 2014 by Spell
Don't post nsfw shit .

[Ichalvl 1752]

[Destin 1958]

aww he linked it

Edited April 28, 2014 by Destin

[Clarkus 63]

2ldr

[Piero 2272]

2ldr

[Paradoxical Papaya 200]

instructions not clear enough, got my dick stuck in a garbage disposal

Sent from my iPho

[Kareem kotb 30]

- 1 rep by accident, my bad

[Anzhi. 322]

so which staff member wants a free pizza?

[Hardboiled_Hobo 210]

[The Doctor Zed 343]

https://soundcloud.com/the-doctor-zed/the-fag-quartet-bastian

Edited April 28, 2014 by The Doctor Zed

[SpartanSakaro 1977]

[Siesan 1802]

eheehehehehehehehehehehe

 

don't click the dog

[Spawned 16]

What the actual fuck...

[AntyCrix 591]

Edited April 28, 2014 by Boondock

[Bob Ross Zombie 1512]

Don't need to suck my own dick, your mom does all the work for me

[fps_trucka 1715]

If only there was a TL;DR version of this post...

[Groov 568]

If only there was a TL;DR version of this post...

Cut your dick off and suck your dick easily

[Rayne 4478]

 

I take back what I said in your intro thread, I can tell we aren't going to be friends. 

[Bulldog 1615]

[Rayne 4478]

Don't need to suck my own dick, your mom does all the work for me

 

So I neg rep your horrible 'mom' joke because, let's face it, we aren't in single digits anymore are we...

 

You then proceed to neg rep me out of complete maturity because of said neg rep.

 

Bob Ross, I now hold you accountable for EVERYTHING bad that happens in sG, based on your horrendous sense of humor and way of dealing with said bad sense of humor.

 

I hope this post severely hurts your moral back bone you sneaky bastard. I'll be watching you. 

[Bob Ross Zombie 1512]

So I neg rep your horrible 'mom' joke because, let's face it, we aren't in single digits anymore are we...

You then proceed to neg rep me out of complete maturity because of said neg rep.

Bob Ross, I now hold you accountable for EVERYTHING bad that happens in sG, based on your horrendous sense of humor and way of dealing with said bad sense of humor.

I hope this post severely hurts your moral back bone you sneaky bastard. I'll be watching you.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I frag out in the top of JB, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Competive matches, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in bowlcut tyranne and I’m the top sniper in the entire MLG 420 League. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting Anymous and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your SO. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in knife fighting, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Steam Market and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of SG, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking Banned, kiddo.

[Rayne 4478]

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I frag out in the top of JB, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Competive matches, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in bowlcut tyranne and I’m the top sniper in the entire MLG 420 League. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting Anymous and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your SO. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in knife fighting, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Steam Market and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of SG, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking Banned, kiddo.

 

Lol well done. Didn't read the rest. 

Edited April 28, 2014 by Rayne