Tell Your Best Jokes

[Turtles 70]

Jokes

[Turtles 70]

Why do orphans never play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

[Marine 2580]

My ex-girlfriend recently broke up with me for a black man the other day. I asked her, "Why?" She replied, "Well, when you can do what a black man can, get back in touch"

She wasn't very pleased, when after 3 months of practicing, I sent her a video of me peeling a banana with my feet.

[Daileyyy 835]

Here's a few dumb jokes I've heard at work.

Q: How do you get a one armed man hanging from a tree out of the tree?

A: Wave at him.

Q: Why do all polish people have the word "ski" at the end of their name?

A: Because they don't know how to spell toboggan.

[waffles 811]

There was a little boy who lived in a far away land. Close to the boy's home, there was a tall mountain, always covered in snow at the top. Also at the top of the mountain, there was an ancient monastery where ancient monks lived.

Sometimes, the little boy, as he was riding his tricycle around his yard, would look up at the monastery on the tall mountain and wonder what it was like up there.

One day, when the wind was blowing down off the mountain, the air turned quite cold and the little boy could hear a very strange noise on the wind. It was coming from the monastery! He could not figure out what could possibly be making such a strange noise and he was curious.

So, the little boy made a peanut butter sandwich, hopped on his tricycle and started his ride up to the monastery. It took him hours and hours, but he finally made it to the top. He bravely pounded on the massive door to the monastery and the head monk opened the door.

"Hello, Mr. Monk, sir. Down at my home in the valley below, I heard a very strange noise coming from your monastery. Could you tell me what it is?"

"I'm sorry," replied the head monk, "I can't tell you. You aren't a monk."

Sadly, the little boy got back on his tricycle and rode all the way home, in a very foul and frustrated mood. He really did want to know what was making that noise.

The wind did not blow down off the mountain again until a couple years later. The boy was a bit bigger and stronger now and now rode around town on his bicycle.

As luck would have it, he was out riding when the wind blew down off the mountain, the air turned quite cold, and he heard a very strange noise on the wind. It was coming from the monastery! He could not figure out what could possibly be making such a strange noise and he was curious.

So, the bigger boy made a ham and cheese sandwich, hopped on his bicycle and started his ride up to the monastery. It took him hours, but he finally made it to the top. He pounded on the massive door to the monastery and the head monk opened the door.

"Hey, Mr. Monk. Down at my home in the valley below, I heard a very strange noise coming from your monastery. Could you tell me what it is?"

"I'm sorry," replied the head monk, "I can't tell you. You aren't a monk."

Sadly, the big boy got back on his bicycle and rode all the way home, in a very foul and frustrated mood. He really did want to know what was making that noise.

The wind did not blow down off the mountain again until a couple years later. The boy had grown into a strapping youth now and rode around town on his motorcycle.

As luck would have it, he was out riding when the wind blew down off the mountain, the air turned quite cold, and he heard a very strange noise on the wind. It was coming from the monastery! He could not figure out what could possibly be making such a strange noise and he was curious.

So, the strapping youth grabbed a slice of pizza, hopped on his motorcycle and started his ride up to the monastery. It took him 30 minutes, but he finally made it to the top. He pounded on the massive door to the monastery and the head monk opened the door.

"Yo, Mr. Monk, dude. Down at my home in the valley below, I heard a very strange noise coming from your monastery. Could you tell me what it is?"

"I'm sorry," replied the head monk, "I can't tell you. You aren't a monk."

Sadly, the strapping youth got back on his motorcycle and rode all the way home, in a very foul and frustrated mood. He really did want to know what was making that noise.

The wind did not blow down off the mountain again until a couple years later. The boy was now a young man and often rode around in his new convertible sports car.

As luck would have it, he was out riding when the wind blew down off the mountain, the air turned quite cold, and he heard a very strange noise on the wind. It was coming from the monastery! He could not figure out what could possibly be making such a strange noise and he was curious.

So, the young man bought a burger at a fast food place, got in his convertible sports car, and started his ride up to the monastery. It took him 20 minutes, but he finally made it to the top. He pounded on the massive door to the monastery and the head monk opened the door.

"Mr. Monk. Down at my home in the valley below, I heard a very strange noise coming from your monastery. Could you tell me what it is?"

"I'm sorry," replied the head monk, "I can't tell you. You aren't a monk."

Sadly, the young man got back in his convertible sports car and rode all the way home, in a very foul and frustrated mood. He really did want to know what was making that noise.

That night, he thought and thought about the very strange noise and how he just had to know what caused it. So, he resolved to do something about it the next day.

The next day, he got in his convertible sports car and raced up the mountain,He got out of his car and found the head monk. "I can't forget that strange sound. Please, please please tell me what made that sound." The head monk just shook his head.

"I can't tell you; you're not a monk," he said."Then tell me how I can become a monk," the man said.

The head monk said "It's very difficult. Are you sure you want to do this?"The man said "I've got to. I have to know what made that sound."The head monk said, "To join us, you have to perform several tasks. Your first task is to count all of the stars visible in the sky."

The man thought about how hard that would be, but he had to know what made that sound. He sat up every night for a year, counting the stars over and over until he was sure how many stars were visible in the sky. He went to the head monk and told him, and the monk nodded.

"Very good. Your next task is to count all of the grains of sand on the beaches around the world."The man knew this would be even harder, but he could not get the noise out of his head. He had to know what, what kind of animal, could make that terrible horrible mind-bending sound. So he left on his journeys. He crawled the length and breadth of every beach in the world, counting the grains of sand, and he returned to the monastery years later.The head monk heard his answer and nodded.

"Excellent. You are almost done. Your final task is to climb to the peak of the highest mountain in the world, and see yourself in relation to the rest of creation." And the man knew this would be hard, but he outfitted himself, and he went to the highest mountain in the world, and he climbed to the top, and returned months later, older and wiser and more tired than many years before when he last heard the noise, the noise that would not leave his mind and that echoed in his every waking thought. He returned, and the head monk saw that he was wiser, and said "At last, you are a monk. Come with me."

And they walked through the monastery, its twisting and turning halls, and as they went the man heard the noise again, over and over, and he was no longer sure if it was the noise or merely his memory of it.And finally, finally, he stood in front of a huge metal door with locks and chains and the head monk opened it up, and the man saw what had made the noise.

But I cannot tell you what it was, you are not a monk.

[Daileyyy 835]

Edited April 10, 2013 by Dilly Dally

[Turtles 70]

Why can't you play UNO with Mexicans? Because they keep stealing all the Green Cards.

[Turtles 70]

How many Mexicans does it take to--oh their done.

[Turtles 70]

What's the difference between a black man and a couch? A couch can support a family

[Daileyyy 835]

Dat triple post op

How many polish people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

6

One to stand on the table and Five to spin the table....

My boss and his dumb pollack jokes

Edited April 10, 2013 by Dilly Dally

[JMaFia 1317]

I remember I used to tell this joke in CT JDAY

Player "Tell me a joke"

Me "So a man and a monkey walk into a bar, I forget the rest of the joke but you're a fucking faggot"

Player kills Me

[Skotti 2105]

why are aspirin white

cause they work

[Coldfuse 324]

Q: How do you make a midget mad?

A: Give him/her a yoyo.

[TurtleFrenzy 2612]

Paidmins are a joke.

(jkilyguis)

Edited April 10, 2013 by TurtleFrenzy

[EchoFourTwelve 165]

So..Moses was talking to that burning bush, he said "no way you're god!" and the bush then said, "YAHWEH!" ...

How does moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

What does he do with the tea he makes? He sells it for prophet.

thank you. i'll be here all night.

[MisterTurkes 544]

who is the sluttiest videogame character ever?

Ms. Pacman: for a quarter she will suck down balls till she dies

[Windmill 1521]

this thread.

[Siesan 1802]

why did the chicken cross the road? fuck you.

[B-cock #1 641]

Women's sports.

[KGameLover1 1306]

Why did Hitler kill himself?

The Jews sent him a gas bill

How can you tell when a black guy has been on your computer?

It isn't there

How does a black chick tell when she's pregnant?

When she pulls her tampon out, all the cotton has already been picked

What's the difference between Batman and a black guy?

Batman can go into a store without Robin

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already crossed the border.

[LOPEZ 1750]

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already crossed the border.

There's a Mexican olympic swimming team, there were also 2 Mexican competitors who competed in the triathlon..

[KGameLover1 1306]

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already crossed the border.

There's a Mexican olympic swimming team, there were also 2 Mexican competitors who competed in the triathlon..

GG I am retarded

[DogsGoMeow 1606]

What do you call a computer that can sing?

A Dell.

Muahahahahah

[Turtles 70]

A dyslexic man walked into a bra

Edited April 10, 2013 by Turtles

[Dylan 558]

*Insert Joke Here*