Vex's Official PSA on Why Not to Buy The Stanley Parable

[TurtleFrenzy 2612]

You're the person who enjoys endlessly grinding races on war3. Some people would rather play games with new ideas and concepts to them beyond the normal formula. But congratulations on learning that you can argue an opinion that will literally never get through to other people.

[Vexium 35]

endless grind on war3? sounds like ur butthurt over losing too much at CS. i play war3 because i enjoy playing CS with a mod. how is your argument relevant beyond it supporting my claim that a game should have enjoyable gameplay if you have to pay for it??

[Siesan 1802]

maybe i haven't made myself clear enough: i'd rather attempt to shit actual bricks out of my anus than play another minute of The Stanley Parable. i would rather walk over to a crippled elderly lady and ask her to stick her tongue in my mouth and play around a bit than play another second of The Stanley Parable. id rather fistfuck a large elephant to its sphincter than suffer through this "movie" of a priest molesting me while calling me stanley.

 

1) yes i understand the point of the game. it's a game. i bought it because it called itself a game. it wasn't a game. it wasn't even a movie. it was more of an infomercial that i'd never watch on TV nor get paid to sit through, let alone pay a penny for.

 

2) it never develops fully into its own story. it fails in every category of interest, but even the story that is supposed to hold it all together doesn't amount to anything. all the endings are pointless and irrelevant, and none of them are cohesive.

 

3) the game itself talks about how it talks about narrative tropes. it barely touches on them. in fact, all it does is make commentary about how its making commentary, which pretty much no game does. there are moments where it gleams on some intelligence, but the concept is presented shoddily and far too insignificantly (literally, in the context of stanley's world) to hold any real sustainable value

 

4) jesus burger flipping christ get a job and tell me $15 shouldn't be worth more. you tout entitlement yet your opinion reeks of it.

 

5) it repeatedly declares that you have wasted your time in the game and should a) go outside, B) taken another ending, c) just sit and do nothing, d) restart the game, e) wonder why you went that way, f) wonder why you tried to diverge from the narrator's 'core' story, g) explain how bad it is to have tried to do something other than just follow the game's directions and press meaningless buttons. i hope this flashes a light in your eviscerated skull.

 

6) it's a game about stories. you obviously didnt do the math. here, i'll do it for you. 20 x 15  = 300 minutes = 5 hours of "gameplay", and most of those endings take less than 10 minutes. i have 3 hours on record, and ive completed every variant of dialogue the game has to offer.

 

believe me, i tried hard to like The Stanley Parable. it just tried that much harder to make me hate it.

Look at everything i highlighted

 

Either A, it's a cliche

B, it's a word you don't know the meaning of and threw in to make you sound smart, even though it looks like you're just saying nonsense

C, It's something the angry videogame nerd would say (Hyperbolized Similes)

D, Fallacies

 

Geez, for an honors student, you sure are a ""Shoddy"" writer. Have fun with your entry exam in 4 years.

Edited December 10, 2013 by Siesan

[Ichalvl 1752]

After this thread, you is gonna need to apologize to a lots of peoples.

Edited December 10, 2013 by Ichalvl

[Vexium 35]

siesan, just because u dont understand the meaning of a word doesn't mean the person who wrote it doesn't either. grats on catching the AVGN references, though. you might have realized i was alluding to him in the first post, though.

 

icha, i *really* hope you didnt think i cared about your opinion.

Edited December 10, 2013 by Vexium

[Siesan 1802]

siesan, just because u dont understand the meaning of a word doesn't mean the person who wrote it doesn't either. grats on catching the AVGN references, though. you might have realized i was alluding to him in the first post, though.

 

icha, i *really* hope you didnt think i cared about your opinion.

So either you're trying to impress someone or you're just being le ebin trole XD taking people on you're ruse cruise

 

either way, It's about that time for Eddy to do what he does best

[Ichalvl 1752]

So either you're trying to impress someone or you're just being le ebin trole XD taking people on you're ruse cruise

 

either way, It's about that time for Eddy to do what he does best

moved to spam

[Vexium 35]

i don't see why this thread would be moved. it is a legitimate discussion that has been derailed by personal attacks on my capabilities as a critic. i have replied in kind and addressed said issues. it's not my fault u derailed this very important PSA to the people of the sG community.

 

btw i hope you guys vote honestly on my app in january. don't just plus me because of this thread. i can understand how desperate you might be to do so, fawning at my massive penis of intellect, but steady your sumptuous gaze and rest thy meat handle to dwell on your electoral powers, for how else will democracy, nay humanity, function? perchance it were taken lightly, might we all fall victim to oligarchical tyranny under the auspicious authority of administrative powers that yield oppressive, exploitative might over the masses? oh, say it aint so

 

but to return to the point The Stanley Parable will forever be a legend in my heart. a coma-induced legend that nearly gave me four types of cancer at once

Edited December 10, 2013 by Vexium

[SexyBatman 705]

i don't see why this thread would be moved. it is a legitimate discussion that has been derailed by personal attacks on my capabilities as a critic. i have replied in kind and addressed said issues. it's not my fault u derailed this very important PSA to the people of the sG community.

 

btw i hope you guys vote honestly on my app in january. don't just plus me because of this thread. i can understand how desperate you might be to do so, fawning at my massive penis of intellect, but steady your sumptuous gaze and rest thy meat handle to dwell on your electoral powers, for how else will democracy, nay humanity, function? perchance it were taken lightly, might we all fall victim to oligarchical tyranny under the auspicious authority of administrative powers that yield oppressive, exploitative might over the masses? oh, say it aint so

 

but to return to the point The Stanley Parable will forever be a legend in my heart. a coma-induced legend that nearly gave me four types of cancer at once

Ok, can understand people not thinking it's 10/10 a+ game, but thinking it's shit? It's so far from that it's laughable.

[Vexium 35]

if i could rate The Stanley Parable i would give it a -5/10, because it's not only a bad game but also a bad "movie"

[Ruffles 731]

10/10 would read this thread again!

Edited December 10, 2013 by Ruffles

[TurtleFrenzy 2612]

/>

endless grind on war3? sounds like ur butthurt over losing too much at CS. i play war3 because i enjoy playing CS with a mod. how is your argument relevant beyond it supporting my claim that a game should have enjoyable gameplay if you have to pay for it??

You got to lvl 100 on antimage in the matter of a week, non-stop. I'm making the point that you, preferring to play games where you mindlessly shoot things for hours on end, not having the same opinion as someone who enjoys games with unique concepts and story-telling methods such as the case given doesn't subject the game to being instantly damnable.

Though by the rest of the intelligent remarks in this thread, I don't blame you for being stupid and/or ignorant to such realities.

If ur trollin', good on u m8

[Vexium 35]

u sound super jelly right now. i played through both portal games and plenty of 'meta' games in my time - they've become pretty popular in the indie scene lately. but anyway, that's not the point. yes The Stanley Parable is something special. it's a special piece of dog shit, like anything that gets over-meta'd in narration/storytelling. it has some intriguing points raised by the narrator, but those are far and few in the midst of a jarringly pointless series of hallways and thematic redundancies. it has a great idea, but it never gets to share that idea properly because the format is terrible and the gameplay is nonexistent.

 

oh and a movie that did meta right: The Cabin in the Woods; old english poetry that did meta right: Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales; modern work that does meta right: Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five; theatrical work that does meta right: Pirandello's Six Characters in Search of an Author

[Name 2616]

"guize lok at me i dont like this gam tha every1 likes l0l im so edgy and cool ll0l0l pls like me i dont have freidns irl."

No. Why don't you take the time to tell us WHY you don't like the game or WHY it's bad as this "review" only tells us it's bad and what you don't like about it.

The Stanley Parable is not a profound or deep game and it does not try to sell itself off as one. If you really truly think the message of this game was anything deeper than a commentary on narrative cliches and the linear style of games of today then you must have severe autism or something. It's a fun game that was fun to play that really fucking did raise valid points on the narrative in today's video games as making it seem as though the main character doesn't have a choice in everything he does.

ASCENDING INTO HEAVENLY LEVELS OF RETARDATION

[SexyBatman 705]

ASCENDING INTO HEAVENLY LEVELS OF RETARDATION

If you seriously don't know the difference between these two things then I don't think you should be in this discussion thread. Saying I don't like this game because its boring is not the same as explaining how you feel the game is boring and what elements make the game boring.

[Randy Savage 71]

Holy crap, i just found some veins of autism right here.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk 2

[Sean 3760]

LOL WHY IS THIS STILL ALIVE

 

oh shit hes applying in January bring out the butthurt police

[Name 2616]

If you seriously don't know the difference between these two things then I don't think you should be in this discussion thread. Saying I don't like this game because its boring is not the same as explaining how you feel the game is boring and what elements make the game boring.

HEAVENS SURPASSED

[IntoxicatedDog 125]

If you seriously don't know the difference between these two things then I don't think you should be in this discussion thread. Saying I don't like this game because its boring is not the same as explaining how you feel the game is boring and what elements make the game boring.

I think he did that about fourteen times and could probably write a book on it by now.

[Dojima 7619]

Just checking in to report that I didn't read a single post in this thread. Thanks.

[Lvl. 100 Latias 711]

Too meta for him

 

lol

[ElectronicDrug 7496]

/>Just checking in to report that I didn't read a single post in this thread. Thanks.

An excellent fucking decision

[Name 2616]

An excellent fucking decision

are you kidding? this thread is hilarious

[ElectronicDrug 7496]

Naw it got boring pretty quick

[Ichalvl 1752]

It got boring but his responses are still pretty fucking funny