Vex's Official PSA on Why Not to Buy The Stanley Parable

[Ichalvl 1752]

Being a flamboyant Dickbutt isn't gonna make people like you fyi lol

 

i bet you don't even wear a fedora fuckin fagot lel

 

right now i am euphoric

 

[euphoria increases]

[Vexium 35]

jesus fucking christ the level of stupid in this thread makes me want to gouge out my eyes and replace them with large wooden sticks that will guide me where i want to go because clearly the shitfest of people around me cant meander through a logical sentence without pandering to their own incessant fucketry.

 

i dont care about making friends here, siesan. i was trying to inform people about a poor decision they might possibly make, like i did.

 

batman and banana, i pretty much outlined exactly why the game was bad. try again, maybe read something this time. i know, words are hard to grasp when you never passed high school english.

 

meanwhile ryziou ironically quotes josh without fail. masterful.

 

anyway, how do i explain this more clearly?

 

1) the game features no gameplay whatsoever. it involves 2 spots in which you fall down to continue, 2 in which you find a somewhat hidden passageway, 1 in which you solve a short, obvious puzzle, and 1 in which you avoid a door shutting to get an ending. that is the extent of the gameplay.

 

2) the game lasts <20 minutes per playthrough. ill keep mentioning this until it is acknowledged.

 

3) the game doesn't offer any real commentary other than meta conceptualizations on its own narrative structure (which, frankly, is not true of all games, let alone half of them) that speaks more about itself than it does about games in general. it then proceeds to discuss life and the value of decision-making. in a piss-poor, high-school educated manner.

 

4) it costs $15. for <5 hours (if you are literally mentally handicapped and walk through doors at a snail's pace) of gameplay.

 

5) the game consistently reiterates the thematic notion that you wasted your time for buying the game

 

6) there are a total of <15 endings. and each ending takes at most <20 min to reach. you can do the math. I believe in you.

[Anzhi. 322]

lol

[Jeff The Flying Shark 1827]

Little late with this

 

[Siesan 1802]

lol

 

#ThomasTheTrainEngine_Off_dah_railz

Edited December 10, 2013 by Siesan

[Ryziou 538]

jesus fucking christ the level of stupid in this thread makes me want to gouge out my eyes and replace them with large wooden sticks that will guide me where i want to go because clearly the shitfest of people around me cant meander through a logical sentence without pandering to their own incessant fucketry.

 

i dont care about making friends here, siesan. i was trying to inform people about a poor decision they might possibly make, like i did.

 

batman and banana, i pretty much outlined exactly why the game was bad. try again, maybe read something this time. i know, words are hard to grasp when you never passed high school english.

 

meanwhile ryziou ironically quotes josh without fail. masterful.

 

anyway, how do i explain this more clearly?

 

1) the game features no gameplay whatsoever. it involves 2 spots in which you fall down to continue, 2 in which you find a somewhat hidden passageway, 1 in which you solve a short, obvious puzzle, and 1 in which you avoid a door shutting to get an ending. that is the extent of the gameplay.

 

2) the game lasts <20 minutes per playthrough. ill keep mentioning this until it is acknowledged.

 

3) the game doesn't offer any real commentary other than meta conceptualizations on its own narrative structure (which, frankly, is not true of all games, let alone half of them) that speaks more about itself than it does about games in general. it then proceeds to discuss life and the value of decision-making. in a piss-poor, high-school educated manner.

 

4) it costs $15. for <5 hours (if you are literally mentally handicapped and walk through doors at a snail's pace) of gameplay.

 

5) the game consistently reiterates the thematic notion that you wasted your time for buying the game

 

6) there are a total of <15 endings. and each ending takes at most <20 min to reach. you can do the math. I believe in you.

I was showing the two opinions of either side if you didn't realize.

 

"I like it, bes gaem"

 

"I hate it, shit gaem"

 

The argument between these two sides will just go on and on and on while there's a third neutral side which just doesn't join a side and happily tells both sides to shut the fuck up or something similar to that.

 

The level of stupidity from you making this thread is quite outstanding.

Edited December 10, 2013 by Ryziou

[Anzhi. 322]

http://youtu.be/PoOhPg9VIV0






http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT00SVtLSwo

Edited December 10, 2013 by Anzhi.

[AntyCrix 591]

Put the entire thing into text to speech, it was quite soothing. 

How do I do this? I don't want to read this entire thing

[BananaPeelz 709]

Obviously us casuals aren't enlightened enough to distinguish between good and bad art. You might want to move your discussion to someplace where the population isn't made up of retards who don't appreciate your natural wit.

[Vexium 35]

thank you anzhi for your insightful links, they have contributed much to this thread.

 

thank you ryziou for maintaining a 3rd party position. you are the savior of the thread, god bless.

 

thank you banana for insulting yourself.

 

thank you me for being the better man and trying to save the she- i mean, people from the terrible atrocity that is The Stanley Parable, the most atrocious waste of my existence i've ever invested my time and money in

 

may christ guide you all down the right path, where mistakes will never be born again and only good things will come from your shedding this mortal coil

Edited December 10, 2013 by Vexium

[Siesan 1802]

thank you anzhi for your insightful links, they have contributed much to this thread.

 

thank you ryziou for maintaining a 3rd party position. you are the savior of the thread, god bless.

 

thank you banana for insulting yourself.

 

thank you me for being the better man and trying to save the she- i mean, people from the terrible atrocity that is The Stanley Parable, the most atrocious waste of my existence i've ever invested my time and money in

 

may christ guide you all down the right path, where mistakes will never be born again and only good things will come from your shedding this mortal coil

And thank you Vexer--- I MEAN VEXIUM for being butthurt about video games

[MisterTurkes 544]

its was just 2 deep 4 you

[Vexium 35]

And thank you Vexer--- I MEAN VEXIUM for being butthurt about video games

 

 

i would laugh at that joke if i knew who vexer was, but because he's some posing prepubescent turd burglar with a dick as small in size as is scrotum is relative to your gaping dick-filled mouth, i can assume he's not worth my time and therefore entirely irrelevant to my existence and my namesake which he tarnishes merely in the miniscule relation he tickles his tiny tallywacker to when not masterbating furiously to you banging numerous gay men who enjoy fondling small children.

 

but i thank you for the attempt at making me laugh

Edited December 10, 2013 by Vexium

[Siesan 1802]

i would laugh at that joke if i knew who vexer was, but because he's some posing prepubescent turd burglar with a dick as small in size as is scrotum is relative to your gaping dick-filled mouth, i can assume he's not worth my time and therefore entirely irrelevant to my existence and my namesake which he tarnishes merely in the miniscule relation he tickles his tiny tallywacker to when not masterbating furiously to you banging numerous gay men who enjoy fondling small children.

 

but i thank you for the attempt at making me laugh

Face it, only reson you hate stanley is because you are dumb to understand

[Bryan 207]

LETS PLAY THIS GAME CALL "WHY THE FUCK DID I MADE THIS THREAD?"

10/10 show lets go!

[SexyBatman 705]

jesus fucking christ the level of stupid in this thread makes me want to gouge out my eyes and replace them with large wooden sticks that will guide me where i want to go because clearly the shitfest of people around me cant meander through a logical sentence without pandering to their own incessant fucketry.

 

i dont care about making friends here, siesan. i was trying to inform people about a poor decision they might possibly make, like i did.

 

batman and banana, i pretty much outlined exactly why the game was bad. try again, maybe read something this time. i know, words are hard to grasp when you never passed high school english.

 

meanwhile ryziou ironically quotes josh without fail. masterful.

 

anyway, how do i explain this more clearly?

 

1) the game features no gameplay whatsoever. it involves 2 spots in which you fall down to continue, 2 in which you find a somewhat hidden passageway, 1 in which you solve a short, obvious puzzle, and 1 in which you avoid a door shutting to get an ending. that is the extent of the gameplay.

 

2) the game lasts <20 minutes per playthrough. ill keep mentioning this until it is acknowledged.

 

3) the game doesn't offer any real commentary other than meta conceptualizations on its own narrative structure (which, frankly, is not true of all games, let alone half of them) that speaks more about itself than it does about games in general. it then proceeds to discuss life and the value of decision-making. in a piss-poor, high-school educated manner.

 

4) it costs $15. for <5 hours (if you are literally mentally handicapped and walk through doors at a snail's pace) of gameplay.

 

5) the game consistently reiterates the thematic notion that you wasted your time for buying the game

 

6) there are a total of <15 endings. and each ending takes at most <20 min to reach. you can do the math. I believe in you.

1) DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE POINT OF THIS GAME. It is not a Call of Duty where there is actual game play. This is a story that could only be told using video games, meaning the game itself is a vessel for the story.

2) Ok. How is this a bad thing. Please explain instead of just posting facts.

3) Please give examples, because what you are saying really doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I think that since you are in literature honors that you feel like everything has a deeper meaning. Please tell me one game that has really has had true decision in the last 5 years.

4) 15$ for 5 hours of entertainment, how fucking entitled can you get? That's about the price of a movie for a better value.

5) PLEASE enlighten me and explain to m tiny brain exactly HOW the game does this.

6) Again literally nothing wrong with this.

[Sean 3760]

you're such a fucking faggot holy shit just stop arguing

[Ika 320]

4) 15$ for 5 hours of entertainment, how fucking entitled can you get? That's about the price of a movie for a better value.

 

I bought Baldur's Gate EE for $7 and so far I've gotten over 30 hours out of it, and I'm not even halfway done with the game. When I start BG2EE that number is probably going to double or triple.

[SexyBatman 705]

I bought Baldur's Gate EE for $7 and so far I've gotten over 30 hours out of it, and I'm not even halfway done with the game. When I start BG2EE that number is probably going to double or triple.

Another great game that has a lot for it's moneys worth. But 15 dollars for 5 hours of entertainment? It's literally 3 dollars for 1 hour of having something to do.

[Vexium 35]

maybe i haven't made myself clear enough: i'd rather attempt to shit actual bricks out of my anus than play another minute of The Stanley Parable. i would rather walk over to a crippled elderly lady and ask her to stick her tongue in my mouth and play around a bit than play another second of The Stanley Parable. id rather fistfuck a large elephant to its sphincter than suffer through this "movie" of a priest molesting me while calling me stanley.

 

1) yes i understand the point of the game. it's a game. i bought it because it called itself a game. it wasn't a game. it wasn't even a movie. it was more of an infomercial that i'd never watch on TV nor get paid to sit through, let alone pay a penny for.

 

2) it never develops fully into its own story. it fails in every category of interest, but even the story that is supposed to hold it all together doesn't amount to anything. all the endings are pointless and irrelevant, and none of them are cohesive.

 

3) the game itself talks about how it talks about narrative tropes. it barely touches on them. in fact, all it does is make commentary about how its making commentary, which pretty much no game does. there are moments where it gleams on some intelligence, but the concept is presented shoddily and far too insignificantly (literally, in the context of stanley's world) to hold any real sustainable value

 

4) jesus burger flipping christ get a job and tell me $15 shouldn't be worth more. you tout entitlement yet your opinion reeks of it.

 

5) it repeatedly declares that you have wasted your time in the game and should a) go outside, B) taken another ending, c) just sit and do nothing, d) restart the game, e) wonder why you went that way, f) wonder why you tried to diverge from the narrator's 'core' story, g) explain how bad it is to have tried to do something other than just follow the game's directions and press meaningless buttons. i hope this flashes a light in your eviscerated skull.

 

6) it's a game about stories. you obviously didnt do the math. here, i'll do it for you. 20 x 15  = 300 minutes = 5 hours of "gameplay", and most of those endings take less than 10 minutes. i have 3 hours on record, and ive completed every variant of dialogue the game has to offer.

 

believe me, i tried hard to like The Stanley Parable. it just tried that much harder to make me hate it.

Edited December 10, 2013 by Vexium

[waffles 811]

[Ika 320]

Another great game that has a lot for it's moneys worth. But 15 dollars for 5 hours of entertainment? It's literally 3 dollars for 1 hour of having something to do.

 

My point is $15 for 5 hours is pretty terrible value. My free time is valuable and if I spend money on something I want it to be a) enjoyable, and b) feel like I've gotten my money's worth. There are literally hundreds upon hundreds and thousands of games that cost $5 or less and give more than 5 hours of gameplay (like say CSGO, which I currently have almost 700 hours in).

 

I don't care much about the debate about the quality of the game in question here, I just wanted to say if I knew I was only going to get 5 hours of game time out of something, I wouldn't pay more than a dollar for it.

[Joscal 339]

Honestly I enjoyed the game. I was slightly disappointed because I expected much more after playing the demo and it just didnt occur to me to check youtube.

Just because you said the game is shit doesn't make me instantly stop from having enjoyed it. I have "played" the game for more than eight hours. I know that's not much but I can say its more than I've played other games in my steam list. Although, that is due largely to lack of free time between school and a full-time job.

After I had reached most of the endings I then enabled console and checked the limits of the game to see where the developers squandered code and where they saved memory. I learned a few things from it, so if they help me when I make a game later in life I'll take it as a positive.

So is it worth $15? Nah its probably only worth around $7-8.

Is it that big of a deal? No.

Edit: also I can tell you for a fact that you haven't heard every variant of dialog. Someone has already gone through and checked all the voice clips of which some take much longer than an hour to reach(unless that was you). Although I highly suggest no one does this as it is a complete waste of time when you can youtube it.

Edited December 10, 2013 by Joscal

[Illogical 1126]

No one cares. Go home. 

[Fat Black Woman 257]

great thread