Woman goes to jail.

[BlackStone 66]

So, a woman is currently at the sentencing portion of her trial, and the judges asks "So, Mrs. Smith, what was it that you stole?"

To which she replies "I stole a can of peaches sir."

"How many peaches in the can?"

"5 Peaches sir."

"Than you will spend 5 months in jail, one for every peach." The woman, horribly upset and near the point of tears just nods her head. Than in the audience her husband stands up and yells to the judge.

"SHE ALSO STOLE A CAN OF PEES YOUR HONOR!"

[RAGEQUILT 0]

judges dont give two shits about pees. (peas*?)

[BlackStone 66]

I hope you get the joke....

[Guest Horny©at]

A man sees a fine looking woman at a bar. He steps over to her an says, "Hey baby, let me suck on your nipples."

She says, "Watch it buddy, I'll have my boyfriend kick your ass."

He laughs and says, "Alright, why don't I just give you a big sloppy kiss then."

She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my man kill you."

"This is my final offer", he says, "I'll hold you upside-down, pour beer into your pussy, and drink from your cunt."

She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to lick her tits.

He yells, "I'll kill him!"

She then tells him he was going to kiss her. By now he's pissed and starts walking in his direction.

She says, "Wait! He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour beer down my twat, and drink from me!"

Her boy friend stops and say's "Sorry babe, I can't fuck with anyone who can drink that much beer."

A guy walks into a bar carrying an 18" alligator.

The bartender says, "What do think you're doing? Get that goddamn thing out of here. I don't allow pets in my establishment".

The guy tries to explain. "Look he won't cause any trouble. He's well trained and I'll prove it". He then proceeds to put the alligator on the bar and says, "open".

The alligator open its mouth and you can see all of its razor sharp teeth. "Now watch this", he says and proceeds to remove his penis through his zipper and lays his balls gently onto the alligator's teeth.

He then orders a beer and proceeds to drink it. All the while the alligator keeps its mouth open and nothing happens. After finishing the beer the man gently removes his penis and puts it back into his pants.

He then says, "close" and the alligator closes its mouth. "You see he is perfectly trained. He would do that for anybody. Does anyone want to try?"

After looking around he finally here a drunk whose sitting at table say "Sure I'd like to try. But I don't know if I can keep my mouth open that long."

[Clay 24]

While we're on the topic of lqty (laugh quietly to yourself) jokes, I have one. Some of you may recognize this, all of you should recognize this considering our zombie background.

"A man and a giraffe walk in to a bar. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over and the man goes to leave. The bartender says 'HEY! You can't leave that lyin' there!' The man says 'Oh, but it's not a lion, it's a giraffe!'"

+1 rep (from a forum administrator, so that's some crazy rep points) and a thanked post for the first person to get the reference.

[Guest Horny©at]

While we're on the topic of lqty (laugh quietly to yourself) jokes, I have one. Some of you may recognize this, all of you should recognize this considering our zombie background.

"A man and a giraffe walk in to a bar. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over and the man goes to leave. The bartender says 'HEY! You can't leave that lyin' there!' The man says 'Oh, but it's not a lion, it's a giraffe!'"

+1 rep (from a forum administrator, so that's some crazy rep points) and a thanked post for the first person to get the reference.

28 days later

I just saw the movie yesterday.

RAPE ME NAO!!!!!!!

[RAGEQUILT 0]

I hope you get the joke....

YEA

I GOTS IT

[Clay 24]

28 days later

I just saw the movie yesterday.

RAPE ME NAO!!!!!!!

I just watched it yesterday too... O_O

No thanking apparently. >_<

[iyedol 16]

Three bulls overheard the farmer say that he was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch. This prospect brought about the following discussion.

First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed that 100 cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I aint' givin' him any of mine."

Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows that are presently mine. I'll fight 'em till I run him off or kill 'em, but I AM KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows yet but I'm young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all my cows."

They had no sooner finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only one animal in it: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 5,000 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

First Bull: "You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from him. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.

Second Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Hell, he can have ALL MY COWS. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"

[Kelso 4]

Three bulls overheard the farmer say that he was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch. This prospect brought about the following discussion.

First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed that 100 cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I aint' givin' him any of mine."

Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows that are presently mine. I'll fight 'em till I run him off or kill 'em, but I AM KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows yet but I'm young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all my cows."

They had no sooner finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only one animal in it: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 5,000 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

First Bull: "You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from him. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.

Second Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Hell, he can have ALL MY COWS. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"

i don't get it.

[RAGEQUILT 0]

i don't get it.

i get it

funny level: eh

[Guest Horny©at]

The waitress walks up to one of her tables and is shocked to see three Japanese men, all sat there masturbating violently.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she screams.

One of the Japanese guys looks up and says, "Well, it says on the menu, First come, First served!"

---------- Post added at 05:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:49 PM ----------

Four gays in the bar and only one stool.

What do they do?

Turn it over!

[Guest Horny©at]

Three explorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders.

He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death or Booka?" Well the explorer doesn't want to die, so he opts for booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. the chief then rips the explorers pants off and fucks him in the ass.

The chief calls the second explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?" Well not wanting to die either, he opts for booka. The tribe again starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. The chief rips the second guys pants off and fucks him in the ass.

The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?" Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman, so he opts for death.

The chief turns to the tribe and screams "DEATH BY BOOKA!"

This one made me lol like no other joke I have read.

[Llethander 230]

i don't get it.

Really, Kelso?

The third Bull doesn't want the new, 5,000lb Bull to mistake him for a cow and sodomize him.

[Nap0odo 3]

so there's this penis. it can't talk or anything but it can wag back and forth. that's all. +1

[Zoxopirezox Jared 15]

gay.

[RAGEQUILT 0]

Really, Kelso?

The third Bull doesn't want the new, 5,000lb Bull to mistake him for a cow and sodomize him.

your sig is giving me nightmares. just thought you should know